It seems every day lately, I come to the realization time and time again that I'm growing up. I am done with high school forever. College is less than a month away. I'm doing things with my life that scare me so much but exhilarate me at the same time.
This past weekend, I had the opportunity to travel to my hometown, to the place where I grew up. I visited all the old sights, soaking in all the memories that seemed to bombard me more than ever before. Ever since my grandpa's death two and a half years ago, I have had it in my head that Colorado Springs is an awful place where bad things happen. My solo trip there in December wasn't the best trip of my life. I loved being around my family, but I spent most of my time in my aunt's home avoiding outside. I never wanted to go there again, to be honest. But I went to witness my sweet cousin Mara Jade be baptized into the Mormon church. And while there, I took advantage of the time I had in an area I had previously shunned from my thoughts to try to make peace with myself and with the place that built me.
I visited my grandpa's old home with my friend Heidi. We walked the path from her home to the elementary school where I spent many years playing imaginary games. We walked the same path to my grandpa's home that we walked every day throughout the school year, and even in the summer. We saw the home, and I realized it was completely different. The new owner fixed it up so nicely...It wasn't the same house. That bothered me so much in December that I couldn't even look at it. But for some reason, this time I made peace with it. Maybe it's because everything is changing lately. One more thing isn't a huge deal. But maybe it's also because I'm selfish. And now I know that no one else will be able to have the memories my sisters and I had in Colorado growing up. No one else will be able to play dare devil to see who could walk around the cactus without falling in, because the new owner took it out. No one else will be able to climb behind the bushes at the front of the house while playing hide and seek, because the new owner took out those bushes. No one else will be able to run through the backyard picking apples from the trees with neighborhood friends, because the new owner took out the trees. Those memories are mine to keep forever. That house, the home it was, is mine to keep.
For the past nine months, I have been making huge changes in my life. I have rid myself of everything that was ruining my spirit, and I have tried so hard to surround myself with people and activities that show myself who I can be and who I want to be. One example: I just recently completed the most emotionally challenging experience of my life, not the most physically challenging experience oddly enough. I finished a fifty one mile bike ride. New challenges keep coming my way, some that I thought I was done with. They came creeping back, people came creeping back that left before. But this trip to Colorado, this trip to my hometown changed my thoughts. Colorado isn't a scary place anymore. I can go back with no fear and only admiration for the place that gave me the boards and nails to start building me into who I am today.
It keeps hitting me. We aren't kids anymore, the class of 2010. I'm Warning You, We're Growing Up.
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