Money

I have this fear. It's a completely rational fear while being irrational at the same time. I guess I make it irrational.

My fear: Money.

I hate money. It is the one thing that everyone needs in life, and I don't have much of it. Correction: I don't have an abundance of it. I have the amount I need for one year at college, but that's it. That's where my fear comes in.

What happens after one year of college? If I can't find a job, which is likely in this crappy economy, what the heck am I supposed to do? I have to educate myself. I have to get a degree. But how am I expected to do that with no money?

And so I go on no spending 'binges' or whatever you call it. I don't spend anything. The only money that comes out of my account goes toward gas, my cell phone bill, and tithing. Nothing else.

But then I go crazy, because it's nice to do something for myself for once, like getting that ice cream from Arctic Circle I have been craving for a month, or grabbing that I-tunes card that I have told myself I don't need for half a year. And I wind up doing something insane. Like buying a plane ticket to Massachusetts (Even though I still can't find it in me to regret that decision). And then I freak out and go back on a no spending 'binge'.

I hate money. It will forever be my biggest fear in life. Will I have enough of it? Will I ever even be able to do anything fun, or will I be too scared to take out a little money every now and then for me? I swear I'm going to constantly live in fear the rest of my life.

I. Hate. Money.