So I guess this is turning into an every other day thing. Sorry! I will try to slow it down.
I have been thinking a lot lately about who I am and how my life is going to play out now that Senior Year is only 2 months away. What will I do without all my friends after it's all over? Will I be able to be confident enough to make new friends? Or will I go back to my shy self that I was and still sort of am when I moved to Utah and not talk to anyone, thus ending up alone throughout college? Or, the worst possibility, will I change myself to make others happy? I have realized I have already kind of started to do this.
I was listening to this song, Beautiful Disaster, today. I have heard it before, but it's been a while. It scares me, because in a sense, the song describes me.
"Afraid they'll see that she's lost her direction.
She never stays the same for long,
Assuming that she'll get it wrong.
Perfect only in her imperfections.
She's not a drama queen,
She doesn't want to feel this way, only seventeen, but tired
She would change everything for happy ever after.
Caught in the in between, a beautiful disaster."
Honestly, if it would make people stay longer, if it would make me happier, if it would make everything okay, I would change who I am in an instant. I would change everything about myself to make others happy. This isn't a good thing. I need to be confident in who I am and who I can become, and I need to realize that if someone doesn't want to be my friend, which some people have not wanted to be my friends recently, I need to realize that I am doing okay with my life. I am a good person, or at least I'm trying to be. And I need to know that I will find people after high school who will love me for who I am. I'm just scared to leave the friends I do have now.
I guess this is a stupid post when I think about it. But okay.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Scripture Thoughts and College
(I don't know if spiritual things on a blog are weird, but I thought I would share this.)
So I was reading in my Book of Mormon a few nights ago when I came across a story that has never really struck me before until now. In Mosiah Chapter 27, it is written in verses 2-5:
2. And it came to pass that king Mosiah sent a proclamation throughout the land round about that there should not any unbeliever persecute any of those who belonged to the church of God.
3. And there was a strict command throughout all the churches that there should be no persecutions among them, that there should be an equality among all men;
4. That they should let no pride nor haughtiness disturb their peace; that every man should esteem his neighbor as himself, laboring with their own hands for their support.
5. Yea, and all their priests and teachers should labor with their own hands for their support, in all cases save it were in sickness, or in much want; and doing these things, they did abound in the grace of God.
It really surprised me that the people followed this proclamation, resulting in the grace of God. It just got me thinking about how I wish people in the world today could follow that kind of proclamation. If everyone only realized how much happiness and peace could be brought to us. But there will always be those people like the son of Alma who don't follow it and who try to lead those who are faithful away from what is right. I can only hope that I am not a son of Alma in this case. I want to be like the people of King Mosiah more than anything.
I don't know. I guess this part of the post is pretty pointless, but I really wanted to share it.
As for College. I received my ACT scores today. I got a 25. I am happy, really I am. However, the average score for BYU is a 28. I really have to go to BYU, not because someone is making me, but because that is what I feel is right. So I am just a little disappointed in myself for not getting a higher score. I will take the test again in September, and hopefully I will get a higher score. The closer I get to a 28, the happier I will be.
Alright, well I guess that's it for now. Sorry for the randomness. :)
So I was reading in my Book of Mormon a few nights ago when I came across a story that has never really struck me before until now. In Mosiah Chapter 27, it is written in verses 2-5:
2. And it came to pass that king Mosiah sent a proclamation throughout the land round about that there should not any unbeliever persecute any of those who belonged to the church of God.
3. And there was a strict command throughout all the churches that there should be no persecutions among them, that there should be an equality among all men;
4. That they should let no pride nor haughtiness disturb their peace; that every man should esteem his neighbor as himself, laboring with their own hands for their support.
5. Yea, and all their priests and teachers should labor with their own hands for their support, in all cases save it were in sickness, or in much want; and doing these things, they did abound in the grace of God.
It really surprised me that the people followed this proclamation, resulting in the grace of God. It just got me thinking about how I wish people in the world today could follow that kind of proclamation. If everyone only realized how much happiness and peace could be brought to us. But there will always be those people like the son of Alma who don't follow it and who try to lead those who are faithful away from what is right. I can only hope that I am not a son of Alma in this case. I want to be like the people of King Mosiah more than anything.
I don't know. I guess this part of the post is pretty pointless, but I really wanted to share it.
As for College. I received my ACT scores today. I got a 25. I am happy, really I am. However, the average score for BYU is a 28. I really have to go to BYU, not because someone is making me, but because that is what I feel is right. So I am just a little disappointed in myself for not getting a higher score. I will take the test again in September, and hopefully I will get a higher score. The closer I get to a 28, the happier I will be.
Alright, well I guess that's it for now. Sorry for the randomness. :)
Monday, June 22, 2009
So I was on the long drive back from my trip to Colorado today, and I found myself thinking. This wasn't a big deal considering the oh so exciting scenery. ;) My thought...to create a blog! So here I am.
Visiting Colorado was really an interesting thing. I didn't expect to come back having learned more about myself. I mean, I expected to go and visit some friends and family and just have an overall good time. But entering Colorado Springs felt...odd. I don't really have a word for it other than that. It has been over a year since I last went there, and I guess I just wasn't expecting all the changes that have been made. So many new places have been built, 'improved,' just overall changed. It caught me off guard.
I visited with two of my very best friends, and I did have a good time. However, now that I am home, I have realized that it all was just one big blur. I remember doing things with family and friends. I remember everything that happened. But it was all a blur. I realize now that I really wasn't paying attention to anything that was happening as it was happening. I was thinking to much into the future about what would happen when I got home, etc, that I didn't truly enjoy myself.
Before the trip, I promised myself that I would put everything that is bothering me about Utah in the back of my mind. So many things have happened in the past months, and I have truly been going crazy. But I found that easier said than done. Ghosts came to haunt me; ghosts from Utah that were supposed to be gone for the week. So Colorado wasn't the big break I was hoping for. I realize now that I am the type of person who just can't forget things. I would like to change that about myself.
While in Colorado, I also realized that I have been living my life this past while in a frenzy. I haven't been in my body per say. That is something I would like to change about myself.
I also realized that I am more grown up than I would like to be. I over analyze things to the point where I usually don't allow myself to have the fun that I, as a 17 year old, should be having. I would like to change that about myself.
Basically, this blog is a new beginning in my eyes. I know that that sounds really dumb, seeing as how this is basically just typing things onto a screen. However, I like to see it as a way to get my thoughts out and to really just improve myself.
We'll see how this goes...
Visiting Colorado was really an interesting thing. I didn't expect to come back having learned more about myself. I mean, I expected to go and visit some friends and family and just have an overall good time. But entering Colorado Springs felt...odd. I don't really have a word for it other than that. It has been over a year since I last went there, and I guess I just wasn't expecting all the changes that have been made. So many new places have been built, 'improved,' just overall changed. It caught me off guard.
I visited with two of my very best friends, and I did have a good time. However, now that I am home, I have realized that it all was just one big blur. I remember doing things with family and friends. I remember everything that happened. But it was all a blur. I realize now that I really wasn't paying attention to anything that was happening as it was happening. I was thinking to much into the future about what would happen when I got home, etc, that I didn't truly enjoy myself.
Before the trip, I promised myself that I would put everything that is bothering me about Utah in the back of my mind. So many things have happened in the past months, and I have truly been going crazy. But I found that easier said than done. Ghosts came to haunt me; ghosts from Utah that were supposed to be gone for the week. So Colorado wasn't the big break I was hoping for. I realize now that I am the type of person who just can't forget things. I would like to change that about myself.
While in Colorado, I also realized that I have been living my life this past while in a frenzy. I haven't been in my body per say. That is something I would like to change about myself.
I also realized that I am more grown up than I would like to be. I over analyze things to the point where I usually don't allow myself to have the fun that I, as a 17 year old, should be having. I would like to change that about myself.
Basically, this blog is a new beginning in my eyes. I know that that sounds really dumb, seeing as how this is basically just typing things onto a screen. However, I like to see it as a way to get my thoughts out and to really just improve myself.
We'll see how this goes...
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