There are those times in your life where everything just seems to go wrong. One thing happens, and then another, and then another......and it goes on and on and on. Now is one of those times.
My grandpa has been on the front of my mind lately. He died about a year and a half ago, and I still can't seem to move past it. I miss him every second of every day, so much so that I found myself asking God to let me see him at least in a dream. I got what I asked for, and now I don't know if I should have. My grandpa hugged me so tightly in my dream and just held onto me as I cried into his shoulder....and then I woke up....and he was gone....and it hurts.
And then, my older sister, Adrianne, called my father Trey. She heard his voice for the first time in seven years, and all he had to say was, "What's up?" She gave me his number, and it now sits saved in my phone, torturing me. Do I call him? Do I delete the number? What do I do?
So here I am torturing myself over my grandpa and Trey. And then I get home after work yesterday only to find that my mom received a letter from Trey's second ex wife, Kathy. My half sister, Kassandra, is in the middle of a custody battle between Trey and Kathy, and Kathy's lawyer needs letters from both Adrianne and me on our relationship with Trey. My first though....What relationship?! My second though, regrettably....I could figuratively kill Trey with what I have to say. But my thoughts now...What in the heck do I even write?! I have no relationship with my father. He has emailed me a handful of times in the past seven years, all having to do with him and how wonderfully happy he is, none of them answering any of the questions I send him. So what do I write? Do I write that? What would that do to help Kassy, though? What would me talking about my relationship with Trey do to keep Kassy from having to live with him? It's all so confusing. And the best part of it all is that if I'm needed in court, I would go. There isn't a strong likelihood that I would be needed, but it is a possiblity, if only a small one. And that scares me. The first time seeing my father after seven years....in court. It just seems too crazy.
Anyway...even through it all, even through all the swarming thoughts, I take comfort in knowing that I have my family behind me in whatever I do, and it is all going to work out in the end. No matter what, they will always be with me, helping me to accomplish all the things I wish.
