So pretty much this post is going to be a lot of complaining. Don't read it if you don't want to. I really just need to get it out.
I hate making new friends. I love new friends. I love talking to someone who actually has interest in me for a few weeks and actually wants to be my friend. But I hate making new friends, because making new friends entails an incredible fear inside of me. My life is not simple by any means. Anyone who becomes my friend is going to find out eventually all of my secrets, all of the things that make me act the way I do on a daily basis. They are going to find out that I am a worried person constantly and that I am always going to apologize for being even slightly weird and that I fear abandonment more than anything in this world which is odd considering I have been abandoned by many. I hate that once they find out everything about me, especially that I have no dad, immediately I am either pitied or abandoned or just treated differently. I hate that I fear talking about who I am because I'm scared to death what each person's reaction will be. I hate feeling this way.
Really, that's all I have to say. My new friend, you will probably read this. And you will probably ask me what is going on. Go ahead and ask. I want you to. But please, new people in my life now and new people who will come in my life later, please don't leave me for things I never had any control over.
The end.
