Growing up is hard to do. You turn 18, you finish out high school, and then you are booted out into the real world. Everyone around you expects amazing things and great successes, but really, you just want to figure out how you are going to get the basics: food, water, and shelter....you know, the basic necessities of life.
In just four short months, I will be taking that great anticipated walk across the stage designated for graduation with countless people watching. That walk has been in my mind for some time now. I'll probably trip. It IS me after all. I'll fall flat on my face, stand up embarresed to tears, my face will turn into a tomato I'm sure, and I'll be sent on my way into the "real world" with a great, fantastic start.
Or I could walk across the stage without so much as a stumble, grab my diploma, and walk off. That would be anticlimactic, would it not? 13 years of torture just to grab a piece of paper? I can't figure out which one I want more. The tripping, or the casual, normal walk across. Which would be more memorable.......ha.
And then I will be sent on my way to BYU-I in Idaho, three hours away from my home, and I will be alone. There will be no familiar faces, no one to really lean on. That's a scary thought.....Exciting.
I could reinvent myself, become the person I've always wanted to be but am too scared to be, the person I really am but am too scared to let past my wall for others to see for fear of judgment. No one in Idaho will know me. There will be no expectations. I could be anyone I want to be.
I could be that weird girl who talks to everyone, even the ones she doesn't know, because she's just so bubbly and loveable and everyone wants to be around her. (A.K.A - Natalie Beynon. :) ) Or I could continue to be the shy, quiet girl who sits there only talking to those she is extremely comfortable around, and even then keeping her secrets because, after all, who wants to hear the thoughts of an 18 year old girl who refuses to do anything she wants for fear of failure?
I could be the one who pulls everyone along and comes up with awesome ideas of things to do on a cold (Because it will be COLD) day, the person who will grab her roommates by the arm and drag them out to experience all of the socail experiences that still need to be experienced....Or I could be the one who has to be dragged, probably by the hair, to do anything new because she's just too dang scared to meet new people and be anywhere but safe at home in her comfortable bed.
Can I opt out of college? No? Hm.....
It's a terrifying thought to know that in just 6 or 7 short months, I will be in the scary state of Idaho at the scary college of BYU with scary people I have never set eyes on before and scary choices that must be made for every day survival. Scary.....
But remember, I can be anyone I want to be. I can be awesome, or I can be that girl who sits in solitude all day everyday.
I choose awesome.
Now to just break down this wall..............
