Facebook Stalker

I was looking at my older sister's facebook wall today (yes, I was stalking her, but she's my sister, so it's okay :)) when I came across a comment that was left on one of her statuses. She was talking about how she couldn't take much more of what was happening this last week before her mission, and a woman who I have always looked up to (even though she doesn't know it but probably should...) replied with an article by Elder Holland. (ARTICLE HERE)

The article talks about receiving revelation and answers to prayers, and knowing that what you are about to do is right, but then feeling fear and worry, and having so much go wrong that it makes you think what you are doing may not really be right. I started reading the article out of curiosity, thinking I would probably read only a few sentences before stopping, but I wound up reading the whole article, and I had to stop myself from crying due to roommates being in the near vicinity.

I've always loved Elder Holland. He always gives such blunt talks, and I LOVE that. He tells you how it is, he reminds you that God loves you, and that's that. There's no room for questions when you listen to or read the words of this Apostle of God. All doubts are simply cast away. I needed that today. I needed that right now.

I'm here at BYU-I, and I'm constantly wondering, "Will I have enough money for next semester? Can I even afford to go home for my sister's farewell, cause if not, then that's just stupid. Can I really afford to pay my tithing? Can I make it through these classes with a passing grade and work every night until 11:30 and stay up until 2:30 every morning doing homework and be the FHE coordinator for my group and write a letter to a person who I haven't seen since I was ten and is now suddenly in my life again and find time to go to the temple when I don't have time and make it to devotional at least once this semester so I can stop feeling like the biggest sinner of all time and keep this dorm clean so I can at least try to think and make it to the gym so I can have me time and..."

I'm about to explode. I almost broke down in my Child Development class. It may have been because we were talking about abuse, and I just can't handle that topic at all, but I just walked home and I said to myself, "I'm done. I thought I was fine and could do everything, but I just can't."

And then I read this article, and I finally stopped and just...breathed. I'm doing good things here. I'm going to college to get an education to have a good future. I'm learning about things I LOVE so that I can become what I love. I have a job so that I can pay for my way here in Idaho. I am helping people by being the FHE coordinator for my group. Writing that letter to that person won't kill me. Going to devotional for one hour each week will be good for me, and I can spare that hour each week...I really can. I really can find the time to go to the temple at least twice a month. It's right up the hill. I can do these good things, because I have God on my side, and because they are right. I'm not running out of oxygen. And Elder Holland helped me to see that.

That's why I absolutely love this Gospel. I love how just when you think you can't take just one more step, you have God there giving you some little "nugget" of his glory through another person just to let you know that it's going to be okay.

Another comment on Adrianne's status directed her (And me, cause remember, I'm a stalker ;)) to Doctrine and Covenants 6:22-23.

Verily, verily, I say unto you, if you desire a further witness, cast your mind upon the night that you cried unto me in your heart, that you might know concerning the truth of these things.

Did I not speak peace to your mind concerning the matter? What greater witness can you have than from God?

I know that going to college is the right thing. I know that I'm trying hard. I know that God loves me and that he really does hear my prayers, the spoken ones and the ones I've kept in my heart. I know The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is true, and I'm so happy to be a member of it.

I hope this wasn't too rambly....